The Disease of Disrespect

Powerful sermon Sunday. I was unable to attend, so I just finished listening to it online. Great words from the Lord through Pastor Rick. One point especially stood out to me, and that was the admonition to respect your spouse.

Disrespect can be classified, I believe, as a degenerative disease. I’ve seen it in couples; you have, too – maybe closer than you care to admit.

The onset is insidious… poking fun at a trait and laughing together about it, until one partner stops laughing and the other keeps poking. Getting a laugh at a gathering of friends, by telling a story that puts the other in a bad light. Complaining to the girls about one of his idiosyncrasies, or to the guys about hers. Forgetting to say “please” or “thank you” to your spouse when you wouldn’t dream of omitting them with strangers. Mentally comparing your spouse unfavorably with another.

None of these things seem like the symptoms of a serious disease, but they are warning signs, as surely as high triglycerides point toward diabetes or shortness of breath warns of heart trouble. Unaddressed, marriage health declines. The bond of trust weakens. The joy of mutual regard ebbs away. Oh, there is no deadly pallor, no plummeting of blood pressure, no spiking of fever. Just a gradual buildup of insensitivity, a growing apart, without really realizing how or why.

Counselors and psychologists and pastors have many good things to prescribe for couples diagnosed with disrespect, but I would mention one place to start: tame the tongue. If disrespect is a disease, the mouth is a trigger for flare-ups! So no more complaints. No more unwelcome jokes. And no more unfavorable comparisons. Instead, liberally apply common courtesies and compliments. Build loyalty. Defend each other.

Make your about-face intentional. You might need to talk together about where you each went wrong and how together you can get back on the road to health. Or you might just begin a quiet campaign for wholeness on your own.

But you’ll not likely be alone for long… respect isn't degenerative - but it is contagious!